Sunday, November 19, 2017

Truckers and Respect

I decided to start vlogging and I thought that my first vlog should be something that should be addressed.  If you like it, comment!


Thursday, October 12, 2017

Hilarious

I have a 3 year old so you know that at that age they tend to say some off the wall stuff.  I have so many words and phrases that this kid says that you just tilt your head and go, "What??"

He's potty trained now so when he goes #2 he insists that I look at it.  I think its a boy thing because my oldest did that too when he was his age.

Him: Mommy come look at my poop!
Me: *groans* Do I have to?
Him: Yes, there's a lot!

He also loves to mess with my husband on FaceTime.  They will call each other a baby or he will get our son to say some off the wall phrases.  It is a never ending cycle with this one.

I am sad that he's our last but happy because I don't have to potty train anymore!

By the way, if anyone knows how to do Mama Kat's link properly let me know because I've been trying to fix it!

One thing I need to mention

I wanted to let my readers know that I will NOT be blogging anything political or anything that would deem offensive. I don't know about y'all but I will get into a blog, even follow their Facebook page because I like what they post, then when election time hits, they want to start in on their views, their opinions, and what they think.

 I really didn't like your page to know what you think about politics. I already have liked the pages the people who talk about politics and that have the same viewpoints as I do.

 I like mommy pages because of the humor, the ideas, and the information that relate to the topic at hand. Some of my favorite bloggers have rubbed me the wrong way when it came to election time and I was really going to stop reading their blogs but I had been such a fan for so long that I just ignore the posts that I don't really care about.

This is a blog about my life as a mom, wife, student, and future pastry chef! :)

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Finding side jobs

So I've been on and off with this site called Fiverr.  I have made some decent money since I started last year.  It's a great little side job especially if you have some experience in virtual assisting, singing, voice over, and so forth.  I started a new gig today and will see if I get anyone to hire me.


Sunday, September 24, 2017

Not everyone's cup of tea

Growing up I was the awkward shy one.  I was the one who got in trouble for reading while everyone else was in trouble for talking too much.  Fast forward I now talk too much and read very little.  Since my dad was in the army I didn't try to make many friends, the ones I did make, I kept.  As a matter of fact I still talk to them thanks to social media.

When I became a teenager I only had a handful of friends and I wasn't popular with the guys.  I didn't have a boyfriend...(unless you counted a guy I met online and dated for a couple of weeks and broke up because he was too busy with college, yep, I was a senior in high school dating a college guy!) 

After I met and married my first husband I tried to make friends wherever we went, I didn't care who, I just craved wanted friends. 

I was fake, I faked who I was, how I was, just to have friends.  I wasn't the real me.  I also was one to gossip and gossip to the wrong people.  If I was friends with someone and we had mutual friends, I would gossip about said friend who wasn't there.

Had to black the face out, we aren't friends anymore but this is how I acted.


Typical female drama.  And I was eating it up.

The 10 years I was married to my ex husband I was also the typical "get-together" army wife.  I did the parties, the events, and I put together a baby shower.  I know that a lot of the wives were nice to me but I knew that they also talked a lot of stuff about me as well.  It was a circle, a horrible circle, and we didn't care because our husbands were deployed and we needed each other.

Fast-forward to after my divorce.  I did a lot of soul searching and some reflection of my old ways when I was married to my first husband.  I decided to find some of the old "friends" I hung out with and lost touch with.  I reached out to a few.  One ignored me completely and I know she did because Facebook messenger has this awesome feature that says that it was read.  I decided to reach out to the mutual friend and she replied later that day.  She said along the lines of "not everyone is their cup of tea and I appreciate you reaching out to me and apologizing"  I am assuming that she didn't like my attitude back then and I knew that I wasn't many of the wives "cup of tea" so to speak.  I actually reached out to friends who have known me during my marriage and they all agreed that they didn't think I was mean or bitchy at all.  I guess I hid my hatred and anger well when I was married to my ex.  I thought another one was just ignoring me as well and she replied back months after I sent her a message.  She said she was actually looking for me!  I was floored.  I honestly thought that these women just stopped talking to me because they didn't need me anymore. 

I have gotten rid of a lot of friendships over the years.  A lot of the wives were very toxic and most of them ditched other "friends" once the husbands came home after a year deployment.  It was like we were "temporary" friends until our men came home and it happened quite a bit.

I was thinking about this particular subject this morning as I was in church.  One of the members that usually would talk to me on a regular basis pretty much gave me a cold shoulder today.  The old me would ask mutual friends, wonder why she is so cold towards me, and dwell on it.  I did kind of dwell for a bit (ok, all morning) but shrugged it away.  I decided to go to her facebook profile to see if I could cancel my request.  The add friend button was not lit to click on add friend which means she deleted my request and changed her privacy setting.

What. The. Hell.

So, yeah, it bothered me.  I don't know why it should.  The old me would dwell on it for days but I have too many things to dwell on than why someone I hardly know would give me the cold shoulder and delete a friend request.


Thursday, September 21, 2017

Freedom

Blog prompt was from Mama Kat (I can't figure out how to do the html part, its been forever since I've done it!)

5. Share something you miss from before you became a mom
I do love these little buggers!



I miss the freedom of spontaneity. When I was first married, my husband at the time was stationed in Germany and was gone about 95% of the time in the field. The army had him gone every few months so I took full advantage of it and saw everything I wanted to see. I had gone on trips to Amsterdam, France, and the Black Forest. We were going to go to England and Italy but didn't make time to go. My dad was also stationed here the same time we were so I went on trips with my mom and sister also. I had made friends who had children and they didn't go out much. I didn't want to live like that.

I actually didn't want children, ok a part of me did, but I enjoyed my child free life. My husband at the time talked to me about having kids when he came back from deployment. I was 24 at the time and I nervously agreed. We tried when he got back and in 3 months time I was pregnant.
I don't regret my kids, even our surprise third one with my husband now. I know that I will get my freedom back when they all grow up and move out. People tell me I will miss the days when they were little. A part of me will, but the "I love my freedom" part will not!

What do you miss?

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Being Ugly

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Credit: https://hisgracemygrowth.wordpress.com/2013/10/17/ugly-heart/


You always hear the saying "God don't like ugly!" and the quote deems true.  People are so ugly towards each other and I have to admit that I was like that for years.

People who have ugly in their heart bring it out in ways that they can't understand and what others can't understand(or maybe try to).  I have taught my kids to be kind and considerate towards others and it shows through their words and actions.  People come up to me and let me know how amazing they are and it shows pride that I've done a great job.  Looking back at myself I wasn't always that way.

By the time I was 8 my dad joined the army so we moved around, a lot.  I made friends here and there but if you grew up in the army life you knew that you'd eventually have to move and we did, every 2-3 years.  Thankfully through social media I reconnected with friends from school and we keep up with each other.

When I met my now ex husband I just was 19, the selfish teenager, and I didn't really care about anyone but myself (my mother reminds me of this).  I was spoiled growing up and I showed it from birth to my late 20's.  I hated myself, my husband at the time, and just people around me.  We had 2 kids from the marriage and I vowed to myself that I would teach my children to love others even when their own mother had an ugly heart.  I faked myself into friendships, pretending to be who I wasn't, I faked being in love with someone who I really wasn't in love with, and I faked trying to be the best mom I could to 2 young children.

I decided to separate from my husband in 2009.  I had enough of him and I had enough of being fake.  He then decided it was his duty to try to mend it when I had enough of trying to mend it myself.  He tried to get me back, tried to get me jealous, anything to get my attention (for once).  Nothing worked so he decided to get ugly back and tried to do anything to blackmail me, extort me, whatever it took.  Nothing worked that time either.  Our divorce was final in 2011.  He saw the kids once in awhile when it was convenient for him; paid child support once in awhile when it was convenient for him.  When finally the court told him he better step up or he'll be in jail is when he decided to man up.  Right now he hasn't seen or spoken to the kids since January of this year.  Evidently, he's still trying to fix his "ugly heart".

Life went on without him, I worked, went to school, and took care of my 2 children.  I dated off and on but nothing serious.  I met my now husband in the fall of 2012 where he has softened my ugly heart and I mended his.  Our relationship wasn't perfect at the beginning but it has really woken me up to seeing myself and my ugly ways, I saw what I never seen before.  In myself and others.  We got married only a month after, I had told him no a few times when he proposed but he was persistent.  He knew what he wanted and honestly I didn't want him to go away.  Our family wasn't too thrilled when we told them we eloped nor were they overjoyed when we announced our pregnancy a year later. Our now 3 year old has so much love given to him and he has adapted love and kindness from not only his brother and sister but from my husband and I.

I'm now in my late 30's and sometimes I wish I could go back to my old self and change things that I never saw before.  People say "the past is what made you" which is true to a point.  I wish I could be that nicer person I wasn't before.  I wish I could make amends with people that I was so mean to before.

I now go to church on Sundays, attend community group (bible study), and will start attending women's group.  I decided I needed to surround myself with good positive people because I want my kids to continue to be the kinds of people that I should have been so many years ago.