Depression

I felt like I needed to post about this subject today because it hits me hard most days.  

What is depression?

The Mayo Clinic defines depression as:

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living.

More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness and you can't simply "snap out" of it. Depression may require long-term treatment. But don't get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychotherapy or both.

Depression has been a huge part of my life since I can remember.  My mom had me see a psychologist when I was 14, the age where you don't know how to deal with life, you are still going through puberty, and on the brink of losing it.  She thought I needed to go because I couldn't get along with people.  

Honestly, I couldn't.

My dad was stationed in Korea for a year. The army made him gone all the time.  My mom had her own issues and my sister was a pre-pubescent 11 year old.  I had a lot of emotions.  We lived with my grandma at the time and I don't think she enjoyed us living there much.  I got into arguments with people all the time, I was bullied for being chubby, and life wasn't easy for me.

Sadness was my prison and I had no clue how to overcome it.  I'm now in my late 30s and I still feel like I can't deal with it.

I went online and found this website.  The author has a lot of resources to help you deal with depression.  I printed out a journal to write in.  I also see a therapist every 2 weeks because sometimes I need that professional aspect.

Some days are better than others and you will always have spouts of depression but having the resources necessary will help you along the way.

Please, if you have any thoughts of suicide, find someone to talk to even if it is ME, yes, I know you probably don't know me but I know what it feels like to want to end it all.  We all need help, we all need a shoulder to cry on.  

Suicide doesn't take away the pain it just gives it to someone else.