Being Ugly
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You always hear the saying "God don't like ugly!" and the quote deems true. People are so ugly towards each other and I have to admit that I was like that for years.
People who have ugly in their heart bring it out in ways that they can't understand and what others can't understand(or maybe try to). I have taught my kids to be kind and considerate towards others and it shows through their words and actions. People come up to me and let me know how amazing they are and it shows pride that I've done a great job. Looking back at myself I wasn't always that way.
By the time I was 8 my dad joined the army so we moved around, a lot. I made friends here and there but if you grew up in the army life you knew that you'd eventually have to move and we did, every 2-3 years. Thankfully through social media I reconnected with friends from school and we keep up with each other.
When I met my now ex husband I just was 19, the selfish teenager, and I didn't really care about anyone but myself (my mother reminds me of this). I was spoiled growing up and I showed it from birth to my late 20's. I hated myself, my husband at the time, and just people around me. We had 2 kids from the marriage and I vowed to myself that I would teach my children to love others even when their own mother had an ugly heart. I faked myself into friendships, pretending to be who I wasn't, I faked being in love with someone who I really wasn't in love with, and I faked trying to be the best mom I could to 2 young children.
I decided to separate from my husband in 2009. I had enough of him and I had enough of being fake. He then decided it was his duty to try to mend it when I had enough of trying to mend it myself. He tried to get me back, tried to get me jealous, anything to get my attention (for once). Nothing worked so he decided to get ugly back and tried to do anything to blackmail me, extort me, whatever it took. Nothing worked that time either. Our divorce was final in 2011. He saw the kids once in awhile when it was convenient for him; paid child support once in awhile when it was convenient for him. When finally the court told him he better step up or he'll be in jail is when he decided to man up. Right now he hasn't seen or spoken to the kids since January of this year. Evidently, he's still trying to fix his "ugly heart".
Life went on without him, I worked, went to school, and took care of my 2 children. I dated off and on but nothing serious. I met my now husband in the fall of 2012 where he has softened my ugly heart and I mended his. Our relationship wasn't perfect at the beginning but it has really woken me up to seeing myself and my ugly ways, I saw what I never seen before. In myself and others. We got married only a month after, I had told him no a few times when he proposed but he was persistent. He knew what he wanted and honestly I didn't want him to go away. Our family wasn't too thrilled when we told them we eloped nor were they overjoyed when we announced our pregnancy a year later. Our now 3 year old has so much love given to him and he has adapted love and kindness from not only his brother and sister but from my husband and I.
I'm now in my late 30's and sometimes I wish I could go back to my old self and change things that I never saw before. People say "the past is what made you" which is true to a point. I wish I could be that nicer person I wasn't before. I wish I could make amends with people that I was so mean to before.
I now go to church on Sundays, attend community group (bible study), and will start attending women's group. I decided I needed to surround myself with good positive people because I want my kids to continue to be the kinds of people that I should have been so many years ago.
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| Credit: https://hisgracemygrowth.wordpress.com/2013/10/17/ugly-heart/ |
You always hear the saying "God don't like ugly!" and the quote deems true. People are so ugly towards each other and I have to admit that I was like that for years.
People who have ugly in their heart bring it out in ways that they can't understand and what others can't understand(or maybe try to). I have taught my kids to be kind and considerate towards others and it shows through their words and actions. People come up to me and let me know how amazing they are and it shows pride that I've done a great job. Looking back at myself I wasn't always that way.
By the time I was 8 my dad joined the army so we moved around, a lot. I made friends here and there but if you grew up in the army life you knew that you'd eventually have to move and we did, every 2-3 years. Thankfully through social media I reconnected with friends from school and we keep up with each other.
When I met my now ex husband I just was 19, the selfish teenager, and I didn't really care about anyone but myself (my mother reminds me of this). I was spoiled growing up and I showed it from birth to my late 20's. I hated myself, my husband at the time, and just people around me. We had 2 kids from the marriage and I vowed to myself that I would teach my children to love others even when their own mother had an ugly heart. I faked myself into friendships, pretending to be who I wasn't, I faked being in love with someone who I really wasn't in love with, and I faked trying to be the best mom I could to 2 young children.
I decided to separate from my husband in 2009. I had enough of him and I had enough of being fake. He then decided it was his duty to try to mend it when I had enough of trying to mend it myself. He tried to get me back, tried to get me jealous, anything to get my attention (for once). Nothing worked so he decided to get ugly back and tried to do anything to blackmail me, extort me, whatever it took. Nothing worked that time either. Our divorce was final in 2011. He saw the kids once in awhile when it was convenient for him; paid child support once in awhile when it was convenient for him. When finally the court told him he better step up or he'll be in jail is when he decided to man up. Right now he hasn't seen or spoken to the kids since January of this year. Evidently, he's still trying to fix his "ugly heart".
Life went on without him, I worked, went to school, and took care of my 2 children. I dated off and on but nothing serious. I met my now husband in the fall of 2012 where he has softened my ugly heart and I mended his. Our relationship wasn't perfect at the beginning but it has really woken me up to seeing myself and my ugly ways, I saw what I never seen before. In myself and others. We got married only a month after, I had told him no a few times when he proposed but he was persistent. He knew what he wanted and honestly I didn't want him to go away. Our family wasn't too thrilled when we told them we eloped nor were they overjoyed when we announced our pregnancy a year later. Our now 3 year old has so much love given to him and he has adapted love and kindness from not only his brother and sister but from my husband and I.
I'm now in my late 30's and sometimes I wish I could go back to my old self and change things that I never saw before. People say "the past is what made you" which is true to a point. I wish I could be that nicer person I wasn't before. I wish I could make amends with people that I was so mean to before.
I now go to church on Sundays, attend community group (bible study), and will start attending women's group. I decided I needed to surround myself with good positive people because I want my kids to continue to be the kinds of people that I should have been so many years ago.
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