Not everyone's cup of tea

Growing up I was the awkward shy one.  I was the one who got in trouble for reading while everyone else was in trouble for talking too much.  Fast forward I now talk too much and read very little.  Since my dad was in the army I didn't try to make many friends, the ones I did make, I kept.  As a matter of fact I still talk to them thanks to social media.

When I became a teenager I only had a handful of friends and I wasn't popular with the guys.  I didn't have a boyfriend...(unless you counted a guy I met online and dated for a couple of weeks and broke up because he was too busy with college, yep, I was a senior in high school dating a college guy!) 

After I met and married my first husband I tried to make friends wherever we went, I didn't care who, I just craved wanted friends. 

I was fake, I faked who I was, how I was, just to have friends.  I wasn't the real me.  I also was one to gossip and gossip to the wrong people.  If I was friends with someone and we had mutual friends, I would gossip about said friend who wasn't there.

Had to black the face out, we aren't friends anymore but this is how I acted.


Typical female drama.  And I was eating it up.

The 10 years I was married to my ex husband I was also the typical "get-together" army wife.  I did the parties, the events, and I put together a baby shower.  I know that a lot of the wives were nice to me but I knew that they also talked a lot of stuff about me as well.  It was a circle, a horrible circle, and we didn't care because our husbands were deployed and we needed each other.

Fast-forward to after my divorce.  I did a lot of soul searching and some reflection of my old ways when I was married to my first husband.  I decided to find some of the old "friends" I hung out with and lost touch with.  I reached out to a few.  One ignored me completely and I know she did because Facebook messenger has this awesome feature that says that it was read.  I decided to reach out to the mutual friend and she replied later that day.  She said along the lines of "not everyone is their cup of tea and I appreciate you reaching out to me and apologizing"  I am assuming that she didn't like my attitude back then and I knew that I wasn't many of the wives "cup of tea" so to speak.  I actually reached out to friends who have known me during my marriage and they all agreed that they didn't think I was mean or bitchy at all.  I guess I hid my hatred and anger well when I was married to my ex.  I thought another one was just ignoring me as well and she replied back months after I sent her a message.  She said she was actually looking for me!  I was floored.  I honestly thought that these women just stopped talking to me because they didn't need me anymore. 

I have gotten rid of a lot of friendships over the years.  A lot of the wives were very toxic and most of them ditched other "friends" once the husbands came home after a year deployment.  It was like we were "temporary" friends until our men came home and it happened quite a bit.

I was thinking about this particular subject this morning as I was in church.  One of the members that usually would talk to me on a regular basis pretty much gave me a cold shoulder today.  The old me would ask mutual friends, wonder why she is so cold towards me, and dwell on it.  I did kind of dwell for a bit (ok, all morning) but shrugged it away.  I decided to go to her facebook profile to see if I could cancel my request.  The add friend button was not lit to click on add friend which means she deleted my request and changed her privacy setting.

What. The. Hell.

So, yeah, it bothered me.  I don't know why it should.  The old me would dwell on it for days but I have too many things to dwell on than why someone I hardly know would give me the cold shoulder and delete a friend request.


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